Early Days

This is a blog I wrote on a different site just after I asked my Wife to take me as Her slave.  This is when we were mainly D/s and the FLR side hadn't started yet.  I just wanted to share it here.

It’s day four since my heart to heart talk with my Wife led to Her becoming my Mistress.  So far the transition is going smooth enough. 

So this blog is now a journal of my life as a slave.  I’ve read plenty of blogs on this site.  Most of them relate to female subs and male Doms.  In some circles that seems to be the accepted norm.  But I know there are a lot of male subs and slaves out there as well as a lot of female Dominants.  So I hope my blog goes some way to address the balance a little and to show life on the other side of the coin. 

I had broached the subject in the past of my becoming Her slave, but Mistress always balked at the idea.  She wasn’t comfortable with the thought of being Dominant at all times.  It’s not that She can’t be strict.  She has shown when it comes to spanking me She won’t hesitate to beat me hard when She thinks I need it.  But I think She had the notion that She would always have to be strict and in control, always barking out orders, and we would have no time to just be husband and Wife.  I tried a different tack, suggesting we use a Domestic Discipline agreement.  I even wrote up a contract of sorts giving Her full control of my bottom and agreeing that She could use DD to address any issues that were bothering Her.  This especially related to my health issues.  I’m a type two diabetic and I don’t always eat the way I should.  This would work for a few days, but in the end it always tailed off.  So we carried on as we were.  A husband getting spanked by his Wife whenever She felt like it.  I was happy enough, but in my heart I always craved something more.  I would often top from the bottom and I know it used to drive Her nuts.

Lately we’ve been niggling at each other a lot, especially related to a business venture we are both on.  I admit I don’t take it seriously enough.  As I wrote in another blog, I have a lazy personality and left to my own devices will often take the simplest approach.  I need structure and routine.  As I outlined in an earlier blog, a few nights ago, I sat down and had a serious heart to heart with my Mistress.  All my barriers came down and it all poured out what I needed our relationship to be.  She listened and She heard and now She is finally ready to take Her place as my Mistress.  She now seems to relish the role.  She realises She doesn’t have to be controlling every single minute.  We still get to have our loving couple time.

I’ve always enjoyed doing things for Her whether it be cooking or simply fetching something for Her.  I would often half joking but half serious say “here you are, Mistress.” 

I also love to be naked.  In fact I live naked at home.  Whenever we get home from anywhere, the first thing I do is strip.  She seems to appreciate this too.  The fact that She is usually clothed while I’m naked makes it more exciting, increasing my sense of exposure as well as my submissiveness.

My heart soars just to think that I am now Her willing slave.  I feel more relaxed and content than I’ve felt in quite a while.  I also feel we’re connecting again as a couple.  We’re having more intimate moments and I am more attentive and loving toward Her.

Last night we were out with friends.  I have a pretty jokey personality and love to tease Her.  She has a great sense of humour and allows me some leeway on this.  But I guess I got a little carried away last night, carrying on with the jokes even after She gave me warning signs that I should ease up.  Nothing bad and certainly nothing disrespectful.  We talked it over this morning and I think I might have been subconciously testing Her.  As I said, the Domestic Discipline agreement kept falling apart and I guess there’s a part of me that is still afraid this arrangement will too.  The signs are encouraging though.  This morning She put me over Her lap and gave me a spanking with our short handled bathbrush.  Nothing severe because as I said, I said nothing disrespectful.  It was more a reminder to be aware of when I cross a line and to respect that.  It stung enough to make me wriggle, but that was it.  It was the perfect response to last night and it reassures me that She really is in it for the long haul. 

The best sign is when we agreed to this on Monday night, the agreement was this would be for a time, a few weeks or months or however long it took to turn our business around.  Now I’m suggesting that we could make this permanent and She seems to be agreeing.  My heart could sing with happiness right now!

She has introduced me to what She calls my daily wake up.  A short quiz about aspects of our business, while I’m bent over the bed.  Correct answers get mild strokes of the paddle, while wrong answers are greeted with a hard stinging stroke.  I enjoy this too and take it also as Her asserting Her control over me and reminding me before we start each day of who is in control.  I love this and long may it continue.  I’ve always loved my Wife but I absolutely adore my Mistress!

I feel a sense of fullfilment.  A sense of being where I should be and of being WHO I should be. 

Waiting

I’m waiting.

I’m naked and waiting.

Bent over with my bottom in the air.

I’m feeling vulnerable.

And cold.

Although I know I won’t feel cold for long.

The feel of cold wood resting against my bare skin.

Sending shivers down my spine.

The cold wood leaves.

I’m waiting.

I’m trembling and waiting.

And then….

Pain.

Burning biting stinging pain flashing across my naked rear.

I let out an involuntary yelp but hold my position.

I’m waiting.

I’m in pain and waiting for another stripe.

More pain.

Making me squirm.

The pain builds.

Over and over.

My bottom feels like it’s on fire.

I’m not cold any more!

And then…

…nothing.

An instruction to stand.

A hug.

It’s all over.

I’m naked.

I’m in pain.

But I know I am loved.

Unbreakable

Unbreakable.

The ties that bind the heart.

Cannot  be torn apart.

Stronger than any chain.

Able to take the strain,

Of anything that life throws at us.

Unshakable.

My faith and trust in You.

As we embark on a journey new.

Taking this journey together,

I know that we can weather,

Everything that life throws at us.

Unmistakable.

The amazing depth of our love.

Truly a gift from above.

I have to make this admission,

I will always give You my submission.

Whatever life throws at us.

Unthinkable.

That we would ever part.

It would truly break my heart.

I am heart and soul Your slave.

I know that we can brave,

All that life can throw at us.

My greatest gift is true.

My total submission to You.

Always and forever.

Spanking is the first fetish I became aware I had and it will always be a passion and a big part of our FLR.  This is a poem I wrote a while ago.

It’s the never ending cycle

In the life of a spankee

Everything is going well.

Then I’m ordered over Her knee!

“You’re going to get a spanking.”

The first sign I did something wrong.

My bottom might be fine and white now,

But it won’t be for very long!

Being told to take your clothes off might upset some.

But it never bothers me

While some might find it shameful,

I’m an exhibitionist, you see.

Even so, I take my time stripping

Though it makes Her complain.

The sooner I am naked,

The sooner I feel the pain.

Then She beckons me to Her,

And hauls me over Her lap.

After getting me in position,

She gives my bare bottom a tap.

“This will hurt you more than it does me.

She says with a smirk.

She smacks the bathbrush down hard

making my poor bottom jerk!

An instant smack on the other cheek

Getting ready to deliver,

A heat to my rear end

Enough to make me shake and quiver.

The bathbrush moves in perpetual motion,

Really making me squirm.

But I can’t escape the dreadful hurting

Because She’s holding me too firm.

The spanking seems to go on forever,

When will it ever end?

Her arm is moving in a blur.

How much energy can She expend?

At last my punishment is over,

Just when I can’t take any more.

She moves Her arm from around me,

My feet can touch the floor.

My bottom is really stinging,

But I know better than to rub,

I bask in Her loving praise

As She calls me Her good little sub.

In the end it really is worth it.

Enduring all the pain,

I know it makes me a better man

Until the cycle begins all over again.

I Belong To You

Something I wrote a while ago as we were starting on our Femdom lifestyle.

I belong to You.

Just You.

Only You can do

Whatever You want to do.

To me.

I submit to You.

Just You.

Nobody else will do.

I’ll take whatever is due.

To me.

Hurt me.

Beat me.

Tease me.

Pleasure me.

Make me pleasure You.

In any way You want me to.

I’ll do whatever You want me to do.

To You.

Always.

I will always belong to You.

Nobody else would do.

Just You.

The Benefits Of A Female-led Marriage

There’s one thing I have to say about living a female led lifestyle. It has made me a better husband. And a better man. It isn’t that I was a bad husband before our flr.  We've always been close and very much in love.  But as with most conventional marriages ego got in the way sometimes.  We'd both want our way on something which would lead to an argument, even just a small one. 

I still remember the night I begged my Wife to take me as Her slave.  It was a very raw, emotional night.  We'd always enjoyed a bit of kink in our marriage.  Especially spanking.  We actually met on a spanking chat site.  At first we were both going to be switches and we would spank each other.  Within a couple of weeks that turned into me taking 100% of the spankings.  Which suited me as I'd always identified more as submissive.  Plus She is a naturally dominant Woman.  But She'd always balked at the idea of becoming a Mistress.  She had the idea that She would have to become this whip-wielding dominatrix type barking orders at me all the time.  The usual internet fantasy stuff.  But this need to submit to Her fully was always in the back of my mind.  It only grew stronger over time.  So one night it all poured out of me and I managed to reassure Her that a lot of things would stay the same, that She wouldn't have to keep acting out a part.  At first it worked great, but we kept hitting snags.  The problem was with me.  I haf a fear of giving up full control. I've always been service oriented, I do most of the housework, I make Her meals, I do things for Her on a daily basis.  And She has always appreciated that.  So I have always had a slave mentality.  That wasn't the problem.  I can be impatient sometimes, and if I want something I want it right away, whether it's being a book or a cd or whatever.  I think that's where I was afraid to give up control.   We hit some false starts and I would end up backing away from submitting to Her fully, even though it was my hearts desire.  I know my Wife got frustrated with me and I would get frustrated with myself.  

A while ago I discovered the term female-led relationship.  It basically refers to the domestic relationship and is for the most part kink free.  The woman simply takes as much control in the marriage as she wants and needs.  I am aware I am better when I'm submissive.  I'm more attentive, more romantic.  I persuaded Her to give it one more try.  I think we've hit the right balance now.  I'm comfortable and confident in giving Her full control.  She is finally seeing that it's sticking this time, I'm much better than I used to be.  I still get impatient sometimes but I'm learning to control that better with Her help/

I am so much more attentive now, more attuned to Her needs. We’ve always been close, but we have a closeness now and a level of intimacy that we never had before. We are more connected, and happier than ever. It's an amazing feeling and I never want to lose it.  

I told my Wife the other day I don't think She even realizes how much power She really has over me.  We're starting to explore boundaries now and She's beginning to push me more, which I love.  We're starting to experiment a little with orgasm control.  I have noticed that after I cum for several hours I'm maybe not quite as attentive as usual.  It takes me a day or two to get back to that level of attentiveness.  But when a couple of days have gone by without me orgasming I am much more attentive and submissive.   I have a feeling She's going to be more controlling in that department in the coming weeks.  She has expressed no interest in chastity.  I'm aware of the alleged benefits of being locked up.  I've read blogs on the subject.  My Wife prefers the honor system, and who am I to argue with Her.  To be honest, the idea of being locked in a chastity device scares me a little, but if She ever decided She wanted to give it a try I wouldn't try to fight Her about it.  I can't.  I promised to obey Her in all things and I won't fall back on that again.  Ever.  She tells me I can't cum and Se trusts me to obey Her.  So far I've managed that.  Sometimes I would like Her to explore Her crueler side and I have hinted at that, letting Her know I would be fine with that.  But I won't push.  I'll just keep obeying Her every instruction, keep adoring Her and letting Her confidence build.  

There’s more harmony in our marriage.  We pretty much never argue and in the case where once there might have been a conflict I now defer to Her decision.  When it comes to major life choices She wants my input and my opinion but we are agreed that the ultimate choice is Hers.  The thing I love about being married to my Wife is She doesn't get crazy ideas and She would never do anything that would harm me physically or emotionally.  So I can truly submit to Her and give Her total control with 100% trust.  Which is why I wonder why I had such a hard time getting to this point.   and our sex life is hotter with Her in control. I would never want to go back.  We're really still learning about this relationship.  In a way it has only just begun and I'm excited to see how our FLR will evolve over the coming months and years.  I will share all that my Wife allows me to share on this blog.  It's going to be an interesting ride.   

A female-led life may not be for everyone. But for us it’s a perfect fit.

How to ask for a Female led relationship

One of the hardest things about creating a Female-led relationship is asking for one in the first place.  This is especially true if your relationship up to this point has been mostly, or all, vanilla.  A female-led relationship isn't based on kink.  It can often be vanilla, simply a case of She wears the pants and controls the household in what ever way suits her.  But women are often brought up that men are the boss and a woman's place is in the kitchen.  My own mother-in-law definitely has that view.  And while society is moving away, slowly, from such an outdated attitude, the idea of the woman in a marriage / relationship assuming full control may seem a bit extreme to some. 

So how do you approach the subject without seeming "weird" to someone who has never expressed a desire or a need for control?

If your relationship already has some kind of kink involved this may be simpler.  You already know she is open to new experiences.  This post will assume your relationship is mostly or completely kink free.

The first thing to do is keep it simple.  Leave any kinky ideas out for the moment.  Us guys often have a specific idea in mind of how we want this FLR to play out.  Whip-wielding dominatrix's barking orders at us are often part of our fantasy.  Often chastity, cuckolding, pegging and all sorts of other kinky play may be at the back of our minds.

But there's one thing you need to remember.  If you are asking your woman to take control of you then you have to back up and LET her take that control.

Her way.

This may not involve anything you have fantasized about.  But you have told her you want to give control to her so you're just going to have to accept that many of the ideas lurking in the back of your mind will have to stay there....for now.

It's no good saying I want you to take control of me, but you have to do it this way, or you have to include this or that activity.  That is not giving her control.  And, again, if your relationship has been mainly vanilla she may not want to do any of those things at all.  She may just want you to help with the housework, to take some of the load off and be a big help to her.  The biggest side effect of this will be a happier wife which will lead to a happier, healthier marriage.  And you still get her taking charge of you.  Everybody wins.

Keep it very simple.  You could start by offering to do some of the chores.  Be more attentive to her.  Giver her more affection.  Offer to give her foot and back rubs.  Open doors for her.  This may seem old-fashioned these days but she will appreciate these little gestures.  Listen to her, REALLY listen.  When she's talking focus 100% of your attention on what she's saying.  Try to anticipate her needs. If she questions the changes in your behavior, or if she shows appreciation for how much more attentive you are, tell her youwant to make her happy.  Ask her what else you can do to make her life easier. 

At some point, as long as she's happy with the way things are progressing, you can sit down and talk to her to make it more official.  After all, stealth submitting isn't very satisfying for long.  She's going to want to know what is going on anyway.  When you do talk to her, avoid using words like submit or slave or anything that refers to a BDSM lifestyle.  You can say your main focus is on her happiness.  tell her you're really enjoying doing things for her and you'd like to do more.  Tell her you want to give her the lead and let her assume as much control as she wants in your relationship.  Assure her you will support her all the way. 

She may get distressed, thinking you're not happy with the relationship you already have with her.  Reassure her that everything is fine.  In the beginning It may take her a while to get used to the idea of taking control of you.  You can help her by obeying her instructions without question, even if she gives you chores you don't like doing.  Give her as much reassurance as she needs that everything is good and you're happy being told what to do.

If she is resistant to the idea of taking the lead,, don't push.  Keep doing what you're doing to make her life easier.  Show her by your deeds that you're committed to doing things for her.  Let her see for herself the benefits of a husband who is focused on fulfilling her needs.  Sometimes this is a battle you're just not going to win.  But at least you will know you tried your best to make it happen.  Some women just don't want to have control. 

What is FLR?

FLR stands for Female-led relationship.   It basically means your wife / girlfriend has control in your relationship.   How much or how little will depend on her.  Your relationship can be kinky or vanilla.  Every relationship will be different according to what you both agree on.  

For a man approaching his partner about living in an FLR can be fraught, especially if your relationship is basically vanilla and She has never expressed any interest in taking control in any way.  

My blog is designed to share our life together and I will be giving advice and suggestions on how to approaching asking for an FLR without sending her into a panic.  

I will share as much as I can about our life because my Wife is a very private person and I'll need Her permission to share anything.  For that reason there probably won't be any face pics but I will share as much as I can.